Thursday, 12 May 2016

LUCK

LUCK

I usually avoid sharing complicated poems online.
Only simple, crisp and easy to grasp content is what I share here.
But this time, I am breaking my rule.
Let's see what sort of response I get.
The poem is called 'LUCK' it's about how a man conquered it and felt he shouldn't have done it. Enjoy.

 LUCK

I cursed my luck like a hallucinating drunkard that day,
told her I hated her,
hated the fact that she hates me,
she got offended, she cried like a baby,
she told me,
'take off your skin, come out of your body,
fly swiftly with me, into the sky of aspirations,
dive smoothly with me, into the ocean of dreams.


for I will never exist if you ignore me while dreaming,
for my presence can be eliminated,
If you foresee every possibility,
anticipate every response,
and mold reality towards the desired outcome
I die a slow death.

You of all creatures I am scared of,
your wisdom is a weapon,
your vision hurts me,
makes me bleed.'
she spoke in rage and vanished...


I had a near death experience,
her name was Jesus,
after making sweet love to me she said-
'everyone cries for me, for I am a synonym of salvation'.
In my name, they feel good about bad they do.


I took a nap in her lap,
and told her, 'lemme sleep for some time,
lemme fly out of this body,
to someplace cold,
to that purgatory where my ancestors live,
for the choices they made.'


I am a monster for mankind,
and a savior for god,
exiting as if nobody knows I am gone,
into the abyss, going to find luck again....
her presence made life so much more meaningful,
something you can wake up to.
It gives hope to dwell upon.

-Sudhanshu Saxena.
To read more from me, visithttp://www.facebook.com/Sudhanshu.penwarrior

Religion was way too mainstream, so I decided to go against the mass delusion.

Religion was way too mainstream, so I chose music and art over it.


God delusion for peace of mind, mental stability and retrieval of faith was getting way too old and way too common. If you really get a grasp of the concept, its all an illusion you need to create to harness the inner energy of so called 'God' trapped inside you only; untouched, pure and divine. Helps you in making choices, differentiate right from wrong. When you see the big picture it helps in construction of a society based on values of integrity, freedom and compassion.


Similar is the concept of pure music, the idea of true music is to be happy, and that of art is to enjoy the beauty and empathize, which is an integral part of a society which is free from scarcity and fear.


You need to be at peace with who you are to tap into that energy. Why can't we name it ourselves ? I call it by the name Kurt Cobain. The guy made some real good music, and hence should be remembered instead of believing in things that I am not sure do exist or not. You can call it by any name you like, chose a fancy name like i did or stick to default like my parents did, only if you really understand the reasoning behind it, completely.


I am not sure God exists just the exact way as it is defined in different ancients scripts that lay the foundation of different religions. Even if they do, the way they are defined, i am sure they won't mind me doing this gustakhi. ;)


Being someone who loves to write I always had a hunch, all these religious books are nothing but brilliant work of fiction by geniuses of their respective times, these stories that led to a paradigm shift were respected and approved by all to such an extent that they ended up being part of a mass delusion.


To give you a feel of the scenario as I see it, imagine 'Harry Potter' found buried by a civilization, and people were blinded by the brilliance of imagination, they start to worship Dumbledore, start making temples of Ron and Hermoine and no one objecting as it taught the good fundamentals of friendship, love and trust. Chances are I may be completely wrong about all this, I am just another ignorant fool trying to contemplate the mysterious way in which the universe behaves.

Kurt as God works just the same way for me as your regular God for you, say Rama the human incarnation of lord Vishnu of Hindu mythology, who was not perfect and had faults, doubted his innocent wife and threw her out of kingdom when she was pregnant.
God I chose is not perfect like every other human, he was a suicidal heroin addict junkie, but then again he did some amazing things in his life. Like taking the voice of an entire frustrated generation  to the world. Our modern world requires broad mindedness, a complete paradigm shift. The wonders that mankind has achieved so far were a collective effort of a lot of people and were a result of generations of work done and passed on for the next generations to carry it further. That's how we are. That is our religion, let no fundamentalist thinking hinder your thought pattern. Let no barrier of region, relegion or language interfere and create diffences amongst us.


Let your religion be serving humanity. Humans, the majestic, naturally caring and creative creatures, who are forced to believe that they are not worthy enough and if left on their own would resolve into chaos and violence and hence should be ruled by a self appointed elite.
Chose your God wisely.


So who is your God ? :)

"Myocardial Infarction"

This song,
I wrote few days ago....
I hope you guys enjoy it. It's called



"Myocardial Infarction"

Fefdo ke beech pade pade, machalta hai ye...
zindagi ke poker me, dhai chaal chalta hai ye....
ghanti ho dimaag ki, toh lup-dup lup-dup karta hai ye....
shakkar ki goli pe, cheeti jaisa palta hai ye....






Suraj aage, life jaage...

jaage jaage, sab hai bhaage....
udte hai sab, patang ban ke...
sabke peeche kacche dhaage....

Kacche dhaage kaat ke, kati patang sa udta hai ye......
Iski sunke, uski sunke, apne man ki karta hai ye....
zindagi ke poker me dhaai chaal chatla hai ye...
fefdo ke beech pade-pade machalta hai ye....

Kehne ko toh, hai ye chhota
Kamina hai ye, har baat dhokha

alarm band, chadar kheech, sota hai ye
sapne dekhe, fir chup-chup ke rota hai ye,

Fefdo ke beech pade pade, machalta hai ye...
zindagi ke poker me, dhai chaal chalta hai ye....
ghanti ho dimaag ki, toh lup-dup lup-dup karta hai ye....
shakkar ki goli pe, cheeti jaisa palta hai ye....

Kamina saala....

-Sudhanshu Saxena (© reserved)

Lost

 LOST


Is this where I'm supposed to be?
I thought I could fly swift and free.
Caged, tortured and treated as captive
Days monotonous joys evasive.

World was fun when I was a kid,
cruel games they play, I took the bid,
tunes are piercing,  music is noise,
in midst of chaos I lost my voice.

 They scream they shout,they growl,
nauseous sounds, silent soul,
heart sinks, brain throbs hard,
newspapers are mourning cards,

Go to sleep, create your own reality,
the world is full of crazy people and their brutality,
Cat is now Saint, Dog is the new sinner,
watching helplessly as ethics and morals go thinner.

Is this where you are supposed to be..?

-Sudhanshu Saxena.

THEORY OF WORLD (18+ MATURE READERS ONLY)

The Sin Theory.
                                                                             By
                                                                           -Sudhanshu Saxena

For Mature readers only. I don't intend to disrespect any religion, any community or anyone in person. If unknowingly someone feels offended. I apologize.


The only difference between fiction and reality is, fiction is still believable. Love stories are far more complex in reality, there is more suspense and thrill to life than showcased, there are multiple villains and last but not the least, there is not a happy ending always. So enjoy fiction as much as you can, but trust me the day you start riding the roller coaster named Life; it's addictive. It's not scripted, good will not always win but rather the winning one will be termed as good.

Take world war for example. If Germany would have won the world war, whatever Hitler did would have been glorified in such a way that it would be termed as good and rest as evil. I have serious issues with the one who said winning is not everything. If you survive to tell your tale to others, you are a champion, else it’s up to the person who analyse your work (only if it’s worth that much) to categorize it the way he wants or up to the winner you lost to. He will surely spin it in a way that you will be the bad guy and the winner will get all the laurels.

If you succeed, whatever sins you commit in the process will go into exception column. Lord Rama defeated Ravan, now even if he throws his wife out doubting on her character that will still be justified saying it was Raj dharma (King's Duty). Now what Lord Rama did was clearly wrong but was somehow justified in Ramayan, I am sure there has to be an explanation for what Ravan did, but his part of the story is missing. This very thought sounds quite weird but if you think rationally you will agree. Winner gets to define good, his bad is justified and losers bad is a sin. This is my sin theory.

Hinduism talks about kindness but there is an exception for Lord Rama. How can lord Rama go after hunting a deer, just because Sita Ji wanted it, is beyond my level of understanding. Read the whole incident, there was never an attempt to capture the deer. There was just bow and arrows doing the talking. Casteism which was an integral part of Hinduism, a religion full of superiority complex stricken and arrogant Rajputs and Brahmins; but their god ate fruits pre-eaten by a lower caste. Someone cunningly defined castes and made everyone stick to it making it part of the code of conduct. Clearly they were profited with wealth and respect. Believers never argued, no one else did up till now and they enjoyed all the privileges. Some brainy guy took birth in lower caste; he turned everything in their favour. And now we find most of the IITians, Doctors, IAS, and Politicians with weird surnames thanks to SC/ST and OBC reservation system in India. We all know how well it has been justified in the constitution.

Lord Krishna waited till the very last moment for Dushasan to start ripping off Draupadi's saree before helping her out when he was right there watching all that happen. I fail to understand the logic behind all this. Harishchandra the great truthful king who went by the book all his life never lied and did nothing wrong went through so many miseries same with the poor Brahmin Sudama. It's again somehow justified by saying they had to suffer their share of sufferings and were healed later also they were at peace in the afterlife (I am again not sure whether it exists) there are many more examples I don’t feel like putting here, you already know them. My point is Don't go by the book. It's all a very dynamic concept and changes with the distribution of power. Mighty is always right. Uproot the mighty, sit in his place and redefine everything.

So, this article of mine, might make many so called 'believers' furious, they will forcefully argue and fight for what they think is right, I’d rather dare say what has been embedded in their minds as right, but believers are spineless anyways, like a trained pet they obey and follow rituals that they don’t even understand, so I don’t care. Please don’t argue, I don’t care what rocket science you apply. It’s up to you to decide what is wrong and what is right, all I say is do some rethinking; it’s my strong opinion there is nothing like sin. Murders can be justified, and even charity is sometimes questionable. This world works in a mysterious way. It’s all up to you how you interpret its mechanism and how you adapt to it accordingly. The universe does not care about your logic, it has one of its own and it will go by it always. There is nothing like destiny and there is nothing like luck, no superpower exists. We have built all these hallucinations around us to soothe ourselves.

Let reasoning be the driving force, let rational thinking rule you rather than some absurd logic you inherit. Question the mighty and you will discover in the end, there exist something, some supernatural unexplained entity that you can name as the god. It’s nothing but you yourself. As I said earlier don’t go by the book rather you write the book that you go by yourself. Break rules, obey no one and listen to nothing but yourself. Do what you feel is right, no matter what religion, the world, protocol or any god damn thing with communication ability tells you. It doesn’t matter how it’s defined now, you can redefine it given that you win. But make sure you win in the end. You can justify it all in the end. I repeat again, you can redefine good and bad. This sounds rebellious, and I know some of you are itching to launch yourself on me, but just think it over again. Define your rules, love yourself, and worship yourself. Someday the world will follow your lead.

-Sudhanshu Saxena.
(I have used some quotations that I read at different places, by some great thinkers and philosophers. names I don't remember)






 Read more from me- http://www.facebook.com/Sudhanshu.penwarrior

SINNER IDEOLOGY...

Ideology


           When I was a kid, I use to make paper boats, not the usual ones, use to experiment with them, changed dimensions of its different portions. I use to stare at clouds and find patterns in it, I use to sit and think how world works, I use to question everything. There was never satisfying inquisitiveness burning inside me, I wanted to learn more and experiment with things in order to get deeper understanding, better the existing ones and develop the required the non-existing ones.

And then came college, assignments took place of creative ideas, cramming formulae replaced innovations, learning and experimenting was brutally murdered by mugging, performing in exams was prime aim rather than learning, college trained IT and multinational company slaves who‘d go out and work for someone else, it trained us to obey, learn and do outsourcing rather innovate and develop new technologies. It was breeding ground for future servants rather than future thinkers and scientist.
Colleges and their age old traditions, but traditions of what?
Hazing kids?
And humiliating who tries to think a lit bit different?
Or putting so much pressure on students they turn into these caffeine addict mugging machines?

College system and its mechanism is a criminal. It robs students of their creativity and their passion. And yeah, that’s the real crime.

The true purpose of education is to stimulate the creativity and the passions of the student body, it is to give them wings, to allow them think freely, develop new things, innovate and experiment. Education is that mechanism by which young intelligent minds are converted into mature ignited minds. Does that really happen? I don’t think so, our education system teaches us to roll on, play it safe, graduate and get a job.

You know a lot of people say that college is the time when young boys and girls expand their way they look at this world, when they open their minds to new ideas and experiences and from where they begin that long journey from innocence of youth to the responsibilities of adulthood. But not now….

Now college is no longer a place to learn, you go there single minded with one aim and that is to get a good job with great starting salary. No one cares about new ideas concepts and innovation; all you need to do is cram, mug do well in exams, copy assignments and projects get a good CGPA and fly away with your head held high with some MNC paying you a lot of dollars…

There are very few mechanism prevailing in our present system to support any new idea that any engineering student might come up with even if they are they r not encouraging enough to attract students. There were millions of ides that died before anyone knowing even a bit about them, our professors would definitely agree to this. There has to be so many things that you all must have thought but couldn’t develop those due to loop holes in the system.

Look there are so few truths in this world that when you see one, you know it.
And I know it is a truth, we all know it is a truth that engineering colleges kills innovations Present education system has lead us to a deep crisis. Time for awakening, time for another renaissance else it‘ll be too late.

This story is not about brainy geeks who sit on the 1st bench itching to raise their hand for every question faculty asks; this story is about genius back benchers who with their exceptional IQ find new ways to get earphones inside their ears in the class without faculty having the slightest of hint every day. This story is about those underdogs who take turns in a lecture to sleep, with someone having responsibility of elbowing them every time trouble comes. This story is not about those who give up on their dreams and surrender to dull college system, this story is about rebels who try and change the way system works and in turn get suspended now and then. This story is not about hard workers who toil day and night for a kick ass CGPA, this story is about students who manage to save their asses from getting debarred at the last moment (if at all) and manage to get a ‘D’ somehow, else they calculate the left credits and celebrate the fact that they will still get the degree in 4 years. This story is about the most hated section of college, not because they are bad or something just because they are not like the rest. This story talks about those who spend more time creating groups in case there is situation of a fight and hardly bother about making groups for projects and presentation. And while doing all this we never lost our enthusiasm for learning technology and trying new innovations.
Something snapped inside us when we entered our great institution that we gave up working hard instead started our never ending voyage for fun and thrill that earned us the name SINNERS. We are the heroes of this story, look at world through our eyes, you will enjoy, you will laugh, you will cry, you will have emotions that you never had before and in the end you will become one of us. 




-Sudhanshu Saxena and the Entire IGNITED MINDS team.

Please share this on your wall, if you agree else no hard feelings.
(Quoted few lines from movie 'Accepted', respect to original write

My 17th Last Cigarette...

My 17th Last Cigarette 
                                                                             -By                                                                                                         Sudhanshu Saxena                      

“I think I need to vomit.”I said.

Semi conscious, unaware of things happening around me, I was uneasy but at peace. I don’t remember where I was and who all were there with me, walls were blue and there was a fan right above my head going in slow circles, making creepy noises causing my head to throb like my heart. I was constantly telling myself I need to put myself together and somehow reach washroom but my body just didn’t obey me at that time. I mentally prepared myself I will count to 3 and then I will use all my strength to get up. I can do it. I stirred myself up. I started counting.

1…..
2………..

I never counted to 3. I don’t even remember what happened. After sometime I heard someone calling my name from distance. The voice was of someone I know, know very well, I just wasn’t able to make out who it was. I felt a palm on my back, like someone trying to lift me up. I woke up, there was light in the room, blinding white light, but its intensity became lower and lower with each passing second. Within few seconds it was bearable.  It was all blurred the faces around me, unfriendly and bothered. I started searching for my spectacle; it was nowhere to be found. Out of nowhere I started crying, like a 5 yr old kid. I was not sure why I was crying, but my brain had a faint image, a whisker of a memory that I had reminded me that I was in pain and it’s ok to cry. In the midst of all this chaos happening I found my spectacle. There was no one in the room.

“Sud you need to hit the washroom ASAP, get a grip on yourself.” I spoke to myself.

I got up, dizzy and nauseatic, on the verge of breakdown. Everything that surrounded me added a pinch of gloominess to the room. Packed food leftovers were scattered like carcasses of dead bodies, chicken bones and pizza boxes with cold drink bottles inverted creating puddles. The room was like a village that was evacuated on short warning. The stale smell made me feel alive. I used my shoulder as a stand making my body lean against the wall. I switched the light off and stood there for few minutes to regain my composure. I couldn’t move my hands or my legs; they were numb due to no blood flowing in them for a long duration of time because of the awkward position I slept in. As blood gushed in my veins I felt resurrected. I started walking towards the washroom, bumping into walls and doors.

I somehow managed to reach the main hall, switched the lights on after accidently switching on TV. There was a guy sleeping with guitar on his chest in playing position, all strings broken and spread all over his torso. He was a friend of mine; I just couldn’t remember the name. I tried hard but gave up. Brain throbbed with every attempt I made to use it. Right next to hall there was room which had an attached toilet to it.

I somehow crawled my way to the room, switched the light on, a friend of mine was sleeping on the floor with his earphones still on and bed was covered empty pizza boxes. I couldn’t remember his name either, this time I didn’t bother trying. I was in a bizarre state at someplace I can’t recall.

I reached washroom. It was hard to shut the door, I realised after making endless failed attempt. I gave up, for a moment I stood there wondering what am I doing here? I started looking around; there was someone else in the toilet.
There was me, and one other guy i couldnt recognise. His eyes were red, hair all disturbed, with a fresh cut on his nose that bled till it stopped automatically creating a trace of dried blood stream on his cheek. He was staring down at me, with his ghostly red eyes right into mine. He imitated every move I made, and smirked. He stood in the mirror and froze right there. I came closer and closer till I could feel his breath, see pain inside his eyes. I gently took my finger and placed it very carefully on his cut. He smiled. Then very carefully I placed my finger on my cut. He imitated and screamed. So did me. I wanted to exchange places with him. In his world there is no existence of pain. I felt jealous and puked.

I kept vomiting. It was like I kept gaining momentary consciousness to help myself up to the wash basin, vomit, leave the tap on and then go unconscious again.

“I need to smoke” I got up and I found myself sitting in one corner of the toilet. Legs crossed with my thighs touching my chest and my arms gripping my legs close to my body. I got up, splashed some water on my face and turned the tap back off. I stood there by the basin, searching my jeans pocket for cigarette, I took my mobile out in 1st go.
4 Missed Calls
1 New Message.
I decided to read the message 1st

“Its over b/w us, it will b better 4 both of us if u simply accept this.. Plz dnt call again..”


Ah crap! I called her again drunk and doped. I don’t even remember making that call let go the context. But it was clear whatever I was unconsciously trying to do didn’t work out. Be it whining, crying, begging or screaming. Just went all wrong. I decided to check my other pocket. Smoking seemed all the more necessary suddenly. I took the cigarette packet out, there was a paper neatly folded into four equal folds. I started reading it. It had all disturbing stuff written on it. And it ended with-
I Love you !
Always yours.

The cigarette packet seemed less painful. The packet had something written on it in my hand writing.
“Promise me Sud, this is your last cigarette.”
I took my last 17th cigarette out and smoked in complete silence, playing with smoke. I don’t want to get back to reality I thought; I just want to live in the moment, unconscious and unaware of whatever happening around me with no memory what so ever.